Baby Steps
by Iris Violetta
Summary: I wasn't sure what it would be like to see him again, especially after all we'd been through.  But he's in town for just the weekend and he wants me to meet his girlfriend. He just wants to see me. And I just want to move on.
1. Of Emails and Dreams

I didn't get the e-mail until late Thursday night. It had been a long day and I almost didn't check it at all. But there might be something from Amy, or news of Hillwood from Phoebe. (She's so good about updating me. I really need to call her sometime.) Or there would at least be junk mail to purge. But this I wasn't expecting.

_Helga,_

_Hey, I'm going to be in the city this weekend to catch up with some old friends (Gary, Matt, you know, the regular crew). We should get together. Lunch on Saturday? I was thinking one of the old hangouts. It's been a while. By the way, Jen's coming with me, so you can meet her, finally. _

_I'd love to see you, blondie. Let me know._

_Arnold_

Now that was a surprise. I hadn't heard from him in months. I shouldn't be that surprised, really. Whenever it seems like he's becoming no more than an afterthought in my mind, he always barges back into the spotlight. Kind of like Jason and Lauren. Yes, I watch _The Hills_. Just because I'm a starving artist doesn't mean that I don't have my guilty pleasures. But that's not the point. The point is that for the next few days, I knew he'd be the only thing on my mind. Great, just when everything was starting to run smoothly. The last time he visited, I was a wreck. I guess the wounds were still too fresh. But that was over a year ago, and I'd done a lot of healing since then. I was in a much better place. Hell, I could say I love my life now. But it was easier to say that I still missed what it used to be and what I dreamed it would be.

But I knew it would be different this time. For one thing, Jen, his girlfriend, would be there. I hadn't met her before. They'd been together for a while, like ten or eleven months at that point? I don't know. It wasn't long after the last time I saw him that they started dating. So I was pretty interested to meet her. She was only his second relationship since college. Well, since us. And god knows Tiffany was only a rebound (albeit a late one). I still can't believe he dated her. From what I heard, it sounded like she could barely spell her own name. (And I only know about her from Phoebe who still keeps in touch with Gerald who of course still talks to Arnold. And I wouldn't doubt it if he knew everything about me through the same network. Whatever.) But they'd only stayed together for a few months. I think she wanted to move in with him or something. That would have been funny. But it doesn't matter; they broke up.

But he was still with Jen. I wanted to meet her so badly. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to not think about her or Arnold. I wanted to be able to think of anything and everything besides them. Besides him. But I knew I couldn't turn him down. It was only lunch. That's what, a couple of hours? I could give a couple of hours to the one person who had shaped my life the most. He deserved it. Well, on second thought, _he_ didn't, but the boy he was did. And I hated to admit it, but I knew there would be something comforting in seeing him. As much as it might hurt, it could help. Closure? No, we had that long ago. Maybe, seeing him would remind me how much I didn't regret all that happened. I could only hope so.

I resolved to not think about it. That lasted, oh, five seconds. Then I was right back at it. That night and all of Friday was spent thinking and worrying about Saturday. Two nights were spent in fitful sleep. Usually my dreams are pretty random, but those nights were full of memories. It was like I was dreaming in montages. Memories swirled. Snippets of old conversations floated in my mind.

"_Move it, Football Head!"_

Elementary years.

"_I wanted to give you something nice."_

"_Arnold, you are something nice and I have you. That's enough for me."_

That first Christmas.

"_What are you doing out here? You'll freeze to death."_

"_I'm just looking at the moon. I've always liked it best in winter. Summer moons are overrated. Plus, your roof is perfect for it."_

"_I guess so. I always thought winter moons were rather lonely."_

"_Maybe… Arnold?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_You'll never leave me, right?"_

"_No. Of course not. I could never do that to you. I would never want to."_

"_Thanks."_

Those secret sleepovers.

"_I like your bow cause it's pink, like your pants."_

The first time I saw him.

"_I… I love you."_

"_I've _always_ loved you."_

That day in the rain.

"_Well, a new beginning. I'm glad you're here with me."_

"_Me, too."_

Stepping onto campus.

"_Hey there, blondie."_

"_What the hell did you just call me, Football Head?"_

"_Come one, Helga, we're in eighth grade now. Lighten up once in a while."_

The first day of eighth grade.

"_I won't let anything happen to you. Never again."_

All of his help.

"_You'd come all the way to New York for me?"_

"_Yeah. I mean, I was looking out there anyway, but now I have all the more reason."_

College decisions.

"_Hey, we're friends, right? You can tell me anything."_

He saved me.

"_Helga, you mean the world to me, but so does this."_

The beginning of the end.

"_Goodbye."_

Oh God. How was I going to handle Saturday?

Author's Note: Well, it's pretty weird to be writing here again. I haven't written fanfiction in years. And looking at my track record, there's very little chance that I'll finish this. But I'll try. I promise! I guess this is my first Hey Arnold fanfic, but seeing as I've been reading HA! stories for almost six years, I feel like a veteran. I mean, I go back to when you actually had to wait for the classic stories to be updated. You know the ones I'm talking about. They're about 40 pages in. Good stuff. If you're new here, I recommend them.

This story I originally thought up a few years ago. I had a paper to write the other day, and while I was procrastinating, I was rereading some stories. Suddenly this story came back to me and I just had to write it. I hope you guys like it. Review and let me know. Thanks for reading.


	2. Of Showers and Rings

Saturday morning.

'Well, today's the day. Awesome,' I thought to myself as I showered. As I felt the warm water run down my body, I remembered the way the raindrops fell that one night in the pouring rain. The way the icy cold droplets soaked through my pink nightgown, making it cling to me like saran wrap. I should have grabbed a jacket on my way out, but you don't think of those things when you're in a situation like that. I mean, I didn't even have shoes on. I could still remember how it felt as my bare feet sloshed through puddles. The feeling of my wet hair against my cheek. The feeling of his lips against mine. No, I had to stop thinking about that. That was too long ago.

So I tried to think about other things. Mundane things, like how we really needed to do something with the bathroom. It's probably the tiniest bathroom I've ever seen. Maybe if we took out the yellow cupboard, but then where would we keep the towels? We could at least fix the mirror. The long crack through the middle of it is hideous. Of course, whenever I look at it, I smile, thinking of the passionate lovemaking that occurred over the sink, wild enough to break the mirror. And it still works fine. It would just be a waste of money to fix something that we can still use. And we definitely don't need to be wasting money.

I peered closer at my reflection, trying to get my eyeliner just right. My blonde hair fell down my back and I decided to just leave it. It looked good enough without doing anything with it. Sometime during my adolescence the stick-straight hair of my youth gained some wave to it. I like it well enough. Seth likes it. Arnold liked it. Of course he did. His nickname for me was blondie. What a stupid pet name. I remembered how I dyed it brown my last year of college in an attempt to distance myself from the girl I had been with him. I ended up just being depressed. Whatever, that was just a bad year.

I tweezed a few random hairs from my eyebrows, smiling as I remember the unibrow I once had as a child. They were still as thick as ever now, but there were two of them. Olga had tweezed them for me when I was thirteen. I hadn't asked, but she just felt like having a project. Thinking back, that was probably one of the last times I saw her. I think she liked being around me, even though she usually wasn't. I was probably the only person she could be herself around. I didn't try to control her, like everyone else had. She was so easily moldable that I'm sure they barely had to try. I still wonder what would have happened if she hadn't met Max. Maybe she would be married with little children, my nieces and nephews. Maybe she'd still be teaching, and giving piano lessons on the side. I wonder if we would have been close. I do know that she wouldn't have latched on to Max, following him all over the country. She wouldn't have joined that cult and cut herself off from her family. She wouldn't be lying in her grave right now. I regret not trying to know her better. I was pretty self-absorbed back then, but what child wasn't? Besides Arnold.

I shook my head, as if that would shake those thoughts from my mind. Thinking of Olga wasn't any better than thinking of Arnold. It was a bad morning for thinking altogether.

It was getting close to lunchtime and I was supposed to meet Arnold and Jen at a café not far from my apartment. I came out of the bathroom to find Seth sitting at the tiny table in his boxers and robe. He was reading the paper somewhat intently with his dark hair sticking in all directions and a green mug resting in his hand. I paused to look at him before grabbing my bag. Saturday is our sleep-in day, but I had had to get up earlier to get ready. 'He's so adorable,' I thought as I walked over to him to say goodbye. He looked up at me and grinned.

"Well, you look good. He better not be try to get you back after he sees you," he said. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just rolled my eyes. He knew all about Arnold and our relationship, and I could tell he realized he hadn't said the best thing. He stood up, placed both hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes, and said,

"It'll be all right," and kissed my forehead. And at that moment, I believed him. I could handle this. I really could.

I got to the café before them. I wasn't early, but I wasn't late. I got a table for three and sat, sipping my water from time to time. The longer I waited, the less confident I felt. I wondered if they would ever come. I wasn't sure if I would be relieved or hurt if they never showed. I didn't get to think about it much longer, as a woman with mousy brown hair approached the table. She wasn't a bombshell, but she was by no means ugly. She wasn't in your face gorgeous. She was one of those people who you had to take a second look at to see how pretty they were. Kind of like me, I guess.

"Um, hi, Helga? Helga Pataki?" She sounded nervous, yet her voice carried a bit of an edge to it.

"Yeah, that's me." Who was she?

"I'm Jen Murkowski," she said as she sat down across from me.

"Oh, Arnold's girlfriend, right?" I tried my best to sound casual.

"Arnold's _fiancée_," she hastily replied, stressing the latter word and subconsciously (well, now that I think about it, probably _very_ consciously) touching her cheek with her left hand, showing off a decent-sized diamond. I was immediately taken aback. '_Fiancée_? What? So soon?' I thought as I stared at the ring. I was surprised that Arnold was able to afford such a thing. I mean he was still in law school. Jen smiled for the fist time since she came to the table. The smile was a little too triumphant for my taste. Still, being the busybody I can be sometimes, I commented,

"That's a beautiful ring."

"Thanks. It was Arnold's grandmother's ring. A family heirloom." It was Gertie's ring? He must really be into her if he gave her his late grandma's ring. I felt like Harold Berman was sitting on my chest. And where was Arnold?

"So, where's Arnold?"

"Well, you see, he's having a slight emergency with something at school. He's been on the phone all morning. It's nothing too serious, though. He didn't want to keep you waiting too long, so he sent me ahead. He should be coming soon."

"Oh," was all I could muster at the moment. Sitting alone with Arnold's girlfriend, no, fiancée was not my idea of fun. I quickly opened my menu, hoping to pass time by choosing something to order. Was it too early for a drink?

Author's Note: Well, second chapter! This is good, for me. Thanks for all the reviews so far! I hope it's not too confusing so far. There are a lot of things that I mention that I don't want to fully explain until later. That's just Helga's thought process. It wouldn't make sense for her to explain every single memory as she remembers it. Don't worry, everything will be cleared up eventually. By the way, has anyone else seen _Across the Universe_? I just saw it and I'm in love. I listened to the soundtrack while writing this whole chapter. I recommend it. Thanks for reading! Please review!


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